100th post!

ahaha, I love the way my 100th post is gonna be this;

I'm resigning from blogspot, I've discovered that tumblr is SO much better, so yeah... if you want to read my blogs, you better start following me on tumblr!

http://joshwhittle.tumblr.com/

Whats your name?

Over the past few weeks I've seen this girl in the Moon who went to my school, she was in the year above and did drama productions with me, but I never learned her name. She saw me the other week, smiled and waved, so I returned the favour. Tonight she pulled me aside and said the whole Josh! blah blah thing, took a picture with me and we went our seperate ways. I had the biggest crush on her in school, and I can't stop thinking of her, which is really annoying because I can't think of her name at all... fuck.

Reading 09; Chapter 2

I had my interview for Barnet on Thursday because I was unprepared on Wednesday, I did no work what so ever. I'm not gonna tell you everything that happened in the interview, but I got accepted to Barnet college, which I'm happy about, my interviewer wrote "Some interesting work that would definitely benefit from creative knowledge and skills" on my report, this made me smile. Anyway, carrying on:

Where was I? Oh, yeah, I just named everyone who stayed with us. I wasn't drinking on Thursday seeing as I didn't have any beers, so I stole a few of Joe, and sat around the camp drinking and talking. Thursday was the day where the bullying on Joes tent began. Toby was writing stuff all over it like "Free drugs", and I got involved by writing silly stuff like "Maddy lies here!" and shit like that. Nothing really happened on Thursday, so I'll fast forward to Friday. I woke up and spent most of my morning begging people to go Tescos so I could get my drink on, it took hours until a few people decided to give in and go with me. Me and Darron returned with 30 Fosters, which kept me happy, as long as I can drink I'm happy. As for the music on Friday, the first act we saw was Little Boots, well, we was meant to see her but as usual it took everyone ages to get the fuck out of the camp site, so we only saw her final song on the big screen outside the NME tent. After we got a drink or whatever, we made our way inside the NME tent for The Horrors, who were alright, I can't really say I'm a fan of them, but they did play well. When The Horrors finished we stayed around for Jack Penate 'cause I managed to persuade Darron and Dan to stay with me 'cause I wanted a sing-a-long, and I generally think Jack's really good, he was even better live, he knows how to play to a crowd. After Jack we made our way back to camp, where we discovered Joes tent has been written on in toothpaste (which I later realised was my toothpaste). We made our way back to the main arena at about 8 to get a good place for Jamie T, which I personally thought was the best performance of the festival, but thats probably because I've idolised him since his Panic Prevention album, and he's the reason why I got into bass. Jamie T's set finished and we quickly made our way to Kings of Leon, we didn't get a good place, but I didn't mind because I don't really know any Kings of Leon songs, so I can't call myself a fan, and I'm glad I can't, 'cause they sounded really bad live. Toby said they were shit at V last year as well.

Chapter 3 coming soon, I'm too lazy to write everything at once.

Reading 09

Hello, I got back from Reading yesterday, I should of blogged but I spent most of my day talking about how good it was, unlike everyone else I got to sleep at about 1am last night, when I heard a lot of people slept their yesterday away, weaklings.

I've got a feeling this blogs gonna contain a lot of errors seeing as I feel like shit still, but oh well. Lets get this party started.

Our journey to Reading was tiring, haha. We went to Chaz' on Wednesday, chilled there playing Nazi Zombies and jamming with the others, didn't end up leaving until past midnight, not sure what time I got home though. When I got back I was looking at the ways to get to Reading, the last train was 03.44, the only one we could make, so we decided to get that one. The bus we needed to get arrived at the bus stop at 01.47, it was like 01.27 when we found out, so Darron left his as soon as I told him, we caught the bus with like a minute to spare. We got the 307 from Enfield Chase to somewhere, then the N279 to Tottenham Court Road, then the N7 to Paddington, we got there around 03.30. We saw some people who were also going to Reading, spoke to them for a bit then went to get tickets, until we saw it said card only... so I asked one of the boys we were talking to if they had their card on them, they said nope, just get on the train, its £18 for a ticket and £20 for a fine, so it doesn't really matter. We took their advice and got on the train. Arriving at 04.30 and no ticket inspectors to give us grief we got a cab to the entrance and started lining up, we were near the front so it was alright. There was a really annoying man shouting stuff related to Lord of the Rings like "I AM LEGOLAS, SON OF BLAH BLAH, DEFENDER OF BLAH BLAH" etc. he wouldn't stop, he did it for ages. They started letting us in around 5.30ish, we got in at about 6. They were checking bags, well, they didn't check mine, they checked Darrons, took his deodorant, and the man spotted some draw in his grinder and said "Go on, man" in his black voice. We then set up camp in Y9 while telling all the others where we were, when we finally settled down Darron realized the bag inspector stole the little bit of draw he found in his grinder, luckily he didn't find the rest he had. Can't remember who arrived at the camp site in what order, but I know Joe Lacey and Jack Marcou were the firsts there (after us of course), then Josh Doherty and his cousins mates came, not sure who else was after, but the following people stayed with us: Beth, Josh, Tom, Ross, Bill, Saleem, Daisy, Laura, Elena, Charlotte, Becca, Sharifa, Jenny, Toby, Nick, Freddie, Kelly, I actually can't remember who else, I've probably forgot some people but oh welllll.

I've got to start building my portfolio for college, I've got an interview for Barnet tomorrow and I've done nothing, so I'm gonna spend the next 3 hours doing stuff.

To be continued...

I wrote something

I haven't written anything in ages, I haven't had any inspiration or the need to. I only write when I'm not happy, probably the reason why I haven't written, because I've been happy for the last few months but whatever. I just finished writing something, keep in mind I did it in like 30 minutes so it's not exactly good, and I haven't reworked it so its half decent, but I don't care, it says how I feel and that's all I wanted to do, I've never written something saying exactly how I feel. Here it is:

We've always taken two steps back and one forward
Every fight we've had has just made it more awkward
We had no intention to take this any further
If we fought anymore it could of ended in murder
You'll never understand how much you really meant
Didn't realise what I had until you went
Its over, for now and eternity
I would of supported you through maternity
You meant a lot, so much its unreal
I've haven't known you long, but you know how I feel
So stop all these negative thoughts
What we had couldn't of been bought
Prostitutes are incapable of love
Me and you, we fit like a glove
But its all over, for good this time
I've never been able to call you mine
And now I've lost my chance, I blew it all
We didn't take any pictures of us for my wall
Thats a good thing, I can do without the memories
Just because you meant so much to me
I need to escape, and get over you
I feel like disappearing into the blue
You thought I didn't fall for you, I obviously did
Just my emotions, well, I kept them hid
I didn't want to seem weak or vulnerable
But now I've lost it all
I wish I had a time machine
You were an absolute queen
I'd change everything that I regret
I hope you know that I can never forget
All the things I put you through, good and bad
Its funny that you were the only good thing I had
Everything happens for a reason I guess
Committing treason was for the best
I never closed my eyes whenever we used to kiss
I never wanted anything to go amiss
It's now set in stone, weapons on the floor
You were the only one that I adored
But now we're through, and there's nothing I can do
I'd just like to let you know that I'll miss you.

Fantastic

I haven't updated my blog in a while, because I haven't done anything really interesting... I'm gonna leave you with this song. The whole "you'll never realise what you had until you lose it," thing happened to be true after all.

This song came on my iTunes a few minutes ago, worst timing ever.



Lyrics:
Well you ask me if I'll forget my baby.
I guess I will, someday.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.
You ask me if I'll get along.
I guess I will, someway.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.

God gave me that girl to lean on,
then he put me on my own.
Heaven help me be a man
and have the strength to stand alone.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.

You ask me if I'll miss her kisses.
I guess I will, everyday.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.
You ask me if I'll find another.
I don't know. I can't say.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.

God gave me that girl to lean on,
then he put me on my own.
Heaven help me be a man
and have the strength to stand alone.
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way.

We are now approaching the age of the gross

Right, last updated on Wednesday, so I'll catch you up quickly;

Thursday I went to London with Becky because she was meeting some guy from Dailybooth called "Diceman", and he's like 21 and is showing interest in her, so she wanted me to accompany her in case she got raped or something. Becky turns 17 in a few days, so yeah, happy birthday! It's a bit premature but I'll probably forget when the time actually rolls around.

We didn't really do much, just walked around. We found Forbidden Planet, its amazing, I want to buy the whole shop! I was tempted to buy World War Z or Pride And Prejudice And Zombies, but I didn't, I saved my money, for once. We also went into the Apple shop in an attempt to play around on the machines and take pictures, but I don't like Macs so I refused to touch one (until I found a kids one with Lego Indiana Jones on, which didn't even work), so we stood around waiting for one to free up, but it didn't, so we went home. Well, I say we went home, but we told Diceman we were, then sort of changed our mind and ventured London a bit more. We got off at Covent Garden and Becky decided it would be a good idea to walk the stairs instead of getting the elevator. Ridiculous idea. We found out we're ridiculously unfit. Well, she was out of breath by the time we got to the top, I wasn't, my thighs just hurt. After we walked around Covent Garden we walked to Embankment station to get a Subway, some cute German girl asked us if there's any traditional English restaurants around, ones that sold fish and chips and stuff like that. There weren't, so we told her to go Covent Garden, there's a few around there, well, we thought there was, we don't actually know if there is. Her accent was gorgeous so we tried keeping her talking, but she had to go :( after Subway we sat in a park, there were Spanish people behind us and Becky really wanted to talk to them 'cause she's good at Spanish and stuff, but she couldn't find the guts to. After that we went home I think?

Yesterday was nothing special, we was meant to be at RAM@Matter, but I couldn't get tickets. I loved the way they tried blaming it on me and it was like whoa, hold up guys, you're the ones who had working cash cards, not me! Oh well, we'll catch another "shubz" soon. What happened yesterday is we went to Moon, sat around drinking and talking to others, that's it really. After Moon we walked to town, got a KFC. Bishops lot were going to Bar Form or whatever, I've never been there. We didn't go.

Today I've got no idea what we're doing. I've got £9.60 to my name and I've been looking around on dubstepforum.com for events happening in London tonight. I've found one that sounds interesting, and its free before 10. Only thing is; it's in Brixton. If we do go, I wouldn't be surprised if we return in a body bag.

London, how I love you

I'm writing this on my way home, currently sat on the W9 with no idea of where I am, but I know it takes me home so I don't care.

Todays been a nice day, it was spent with Rosa in London. We was meant to go to the science museum and/or the natural history museum, but shes really lazy. I woke up at 10, called her, she was still asleep so I told her to let me know when she wakes up, I fell asleep then woke up to a text at about 12.20. Showered, ate, got dressed, I was ready by about 1.30, she said meet her at the station at 4, cool. On my way to South Kensington I was exchanging texts with Rosa, she told me to keep myself busy as she was gonna be a while longer, so I walked around the back roads where all the cute houses were in, I'm so planning on living in one when I'm older, if I'm making enough money anyway. Everyone there drove a nice car, Ferraris, Lambos, Porches and Rolls Royces constantly drove past me. Rosa arrived at about 5.20, I met her at the natural history museum, we at on the grass for two minutes, if that, then got told that they're closing so we had to leave.

We then walked around the area and stumbled across Harrods, before we went in Rosa bought some sushi and we ate it on a bench outside the church, then we entered Harrods. I've never really been there before, and I know why; because its out of my league. Everything there is just so nice and expensive and yum. We walked around for a bit, I ooh'd at the Egyptian halls, they were really impressive. We then went to the food hall and bought some olives, well, Rosa did, I'm not a fan of olives. Transaction complete, we made our exit.

We walked to South Kensington station and made our way home, which leads to now and my bus journey home. I still have no idea of my whereabouts.

Overall, today was lovely. I left out a few bits but they don't matter, just small things like McDonalds and reading The Cube. It was so nice spending some time with Rosa, today was the first time we've really hung out together, hah. I'm gonna pay attention to this bus journey now just incase I miss my stop, which I probably already have. Bye!

EDIT: I'm safely at Darrons now. Have been for a few hours haha.

Tired eyes

I've decided I'm going to use a few more websites than just blogger and facebook, hopefully it'll reduce my level of boredom when I'm browsing the internets.

http://joshwhittle.tumblr.com/
http://twitter.com/joshwhittle/

Yeah, only two websites to start off with. I've had twitter for a bit, but I've never really used it...

Currently I'm waiting for Tom to come round. He left ages ago, well he claims he did, he probably didn't, he's so lazy.

9th of September

If I was you I'd stay at home, or at least avoid using London transport. On Saturday mum turned to me and goes "do you know what I've been thinking? Remember 911? Yeah, 911 and nine eleven, Americas emergency number, and the date... well, think of Englands, 999, and think what this year is. I'm just saying... something might happen on the 9th of September, I'd stay at home if I was you," I don't think I'm going to be out on the 9th of September, I'll be safely tucked away in the safety of my duvet.

Today I woke up at 5pm, when I fell asleep at 3am, lovely fourteen hours of sleep. When I woke up I thought I'm gonna be more laid back than I already am about every problem the world throws at me. I'll conquer each and every problem, just not at once, I like taking my times on things 'cause I don't like worrying.

Thats all I have to say really. Bai.

I can't wait to get my own place

It's going to be such a mess, but it will be my palace, and I will love the independence.

Love don't come easily

I finished reading The Game today, incredible book, loved every fucking page. But I'm not going to talk about that now seeing as its been the subject of a few of my blogs throughout July, I'm going to make a start on The Rules of The Game soon.

Today so far has been a standard Sunday, woke up at 12.30, laid in bed playing Call of Duty: World at War, climbed out of bed and into the shower at 1.30, got to my nans by 2.00, came home at 4.30.

My plans for tonight are to pick up an 8ball with Tom H, smoke it at Darrons. I got given £10 today, and thats already being put towards skunk, I really need to stop.

When I was walking through the pathway that leads to mine, I noticed my neighbours ar emoving in properly, so I thought I'd give them a welcoming present. Ever since I got home I've been playing dubstep at full volume. They're gonna have to get used to it anyway.

I really want to fall in love, I want everything that all the songs, books, movies and experiences have told me, but I'm afraid of falling for someone, I never want someone to have so much control over my emotions and myself, but I guess that day will come, if not soon, later.

My baby fat is pissing me off, I wish my cheeks would stop being so chubby. It also explains why I've never really noticed a change when I changed my diet, and started working out, I stopped because I didn't see anything different about my body in a month. My body is my biggest flaw, fuck.

I'm going to entertain myself while waiting for Tom to get ready. I could probably watch the whole boxset of The Lord Of The Rings while waiting for him, he's so lazy and I think I've seen him on time about ten times over the fifteen years that I've known him, haha.

Anything you can do, I can do better, blindfolded

Todays been alright so far, started off with me waking up around 12ish, then Tom asked me to go town with him to buy stuff for Charlottes birthday, which is tomorrow. Tom came to mine while I was playing Siren Blood Curse, he said he'd be way too scared to play this on his own which made me giggled, then he proceeded to roll a spliff.

Arrived in town at about 2pm, after finishing off the remainder of our spliff we popped into Waterstones to get the books we wanted. Kama Sutra for Tom, The Rules of The Game for me. After that we got Toms card for Charlotte and grabbed a hot dog. Bumped into Dan Emery, spoke to him for less than a minute then went our seperate ways.

When I got home Mum wouldn't make me crumpets, so I made my own, humph. After that I got Call of Duty 4 multiplayer working on my PS3 and sat down playing that for god knows how long waiting for my Mum to get ready so we could go to London, finally that time rolled around.

We got there at about 6ish, went straight to Adidas and bought my Stan Smiths, then went into Zara where my Mum spent an hour looking at stuff and I just sat there, tired and bored. When she was through with that we walked around London a little bit, I popped into HMV to see how much Call of Duty: World at War was, £45, thought fuck that, and made our way out. We went to Marks & Spencers then I decided I wanted to go to Game before it closed and said goodbye to Mumsie.

Walked from Bond Street station to Game on Oxford Street, picked up a copy of CoD:WaW pre-owned for £35 and got denied sale, apparently I don't look old enough for a 15 age rated game. She asked for ID, I pulled out my Oyster Card, which before you say anything is a Zip Oyster Card, which you have to be a student to get, and it was a 16+ one, so it says 16+ on the side... still got denied, walked out the shop shaking my head. Walked a few stores down and got to HMV which were closing, the security guard said "you can't come in, we're closed", I took a few steps back and looked at the opening times, held my phone up to him and went "you close at 8.30, its 8.22, I know exactly what I want, I won't be more than two minutes," he looked at his watch and let me in. I proceeded to the game section, looked for CoD:WaW, couldn't find it, because it was hidden away. When I picked it up it said "Special Purchase; 29.99" bargain. They served me without questioning my age aswell. Score.

Then I made my way home. On the bus there were two girls on the top deck that were absolutely stunning, I kept my mouth shut as I'm still so scared to say anything. Downstairs was an emo trio, one was quite attractive, she stared at my bum as I was getting off the bus, I could tell 'cause she maintained eye contact with me as I was walking down the stairs, then when I got off, I turned to give another look, and caught her red handed, I didn't say anything though, obviously.

Outside my house there were about 5 long-legged girls walking somewhere in revealing dresses, they smiled at me and waved, one of them sweetly said "alriiight" to me, I nodded and replied "alright," then turned into my place. I should of stopped them and said "Hey, I need a ladies side on this, who lies more, men or women?" I should of, but I didn't, I so easily could of, but I didn't. I'm such a fucking pussy.

I think I'm gonna go play CoD:WaW for a bit, ciao

The comedian

Its funny how your friends think I'm a dick. Its fun guessing who does. I've got a short list so far.

I''m going London soon with mi madre, I'm only spending £25 on dem fresh crep, Nans paying £30 hehe, I love my Nan.

Been there, done that

Today I'm going to journey into Bond Street, find Adidas, buy them Stan Smiths if they're still there, then walk around for a bit doing some window shopping, or if its a nice day I might sit in Hyde Park reading Civil War or The Game.

My jugglings coming along slowly, I can get three balls in the air at the same time, I just can't carry on from there, I'm bad at multi tasking.

Last night was quite fun, we just went to the Moon, which was alright, it would of been better if everyone was there, but I've been told that rarely happens. Plus I enjoyed myself late in the night by running game on Becca (Jasons friend), just to see if the things I remembered worked, I think they did, well I know she owes me a drink from it, so thats a plus for me.

I realised if I get these trainers I'll have like £15 left for Reading, and that won't even pay for my train ticket, so I've gotta find a way to get money for Reading... which is in like 27 days now, fuck. Selling my ticket isn't even an option seeing as my Nan got it for me as a birthday present.

A simple case of mistaken identity

Yesterday my Mum came home, same time as normal, I open the door; "Vanessa died." Apparently she had a double heart attack.

The day before yesterday my Mum was telling me about Vanessa having a heart attack, and her chance of survival being 50/50.

For those who don't know (which is all of you), Vanessa was Eddies wife, Vanessa & Eddie were very good friends of my parents, Eddie was a very funny man, and Vanessa was gorgeous, they made a fantastic couple. I wish my marriage turns out like theirs.

Earlier my Mum rings me and asks if I need anything from Asda, my voice lacked emotion, I replied "bread.", she asked if anythings wrong, I replied "no.", one word answers doesn't assure someone that everythings alright. Then out of nowhere she goes "Vanessa didn't die, Dad got the information wrong, it was Vanessa's Mum. Luckily I didn't send out a card, I was gonna get one today. Dad did however, idiot." Silly Dad.

Today has been another wasted day. I woke up at 10 for some unknown reason, laid in bed watching Friends and thinking. I'm always thinking. Time passed, it got to 2pm, I hadn't done anything apart from get a little further in The Game, have a bowl of cereal and talk to a few people on MSN. I decided to watch Magnolia, climbed into bed, turned my PS3 on and loaded it up. It's an amazing film, I loved every second of it, its quite fucking emotional aswell. Probably explains my apathetic mood. Thats a lie, I'm not apathetic, I'm a little down.

I can't be fucked going to The Moon tonight, it's just gonna be more money wasted, and I'm not really in the mood. Plus after that we're going Inn on the Green, I've got no idea where the fuck that is.

Just finished listening to the Arctic Monkeys new album, its really impressive, better than their last one in my opinion.

I forgot what else I wanted to write seeing as my Mum just got home, hmm. Bye.

"Why do you care though?"

Open your fucking eyes. You went last Thursday, the day before you said that it didn't mean anything, it killed me. I finally thought we might be alright, well, when you get back that is. Apparently not. I'm not gonna pretend like I don't care anymore, 'cause I do, I don't even know why, but its pretty obvious, I just can't grab the reason.

It might be because you're the only person that I've cared about properly in ages, it could be that you actually meant something to me. Nothing mattered when you was around, every single problem seemed to vanish with the touch of your lips, you're the only reason why I felt good. The funny thing is, you actually don't know me, I don't think anybody does really, ha. Not my parents of 18 years, not my best friend of 15 years, nobody. I never opened myself in the past, only to "councellers" and stuff, but that was because I was young, and it didn't really matter. Stuff that does matter however, you know about, you're the only person that I've told stuff to, I'm normally the listener, I'm normally the one that sits there and talks through peoples problems and try to help them. You tried to help me by cutting yourself out, it didn't help.

Everythings resolved, well, most of the problems are, I've still got a few things lingering about, but they're not top priority, you now are. And getting you back will be on the top of my list for ages. Even if I disappear for a while and you don't hear from me for, idk, say a year or so, you won't be forgotten.

Its funny how I didn't ever want to be portrayed as pathetic, but there we go.

If you're just a casual reader, this means nothing to you, and you'll probably miss it unless it shows up in your reading list or whatever, I hope you do.

Got a good reason to induce some liver poisoning on myself tonight. Thanks. The first drink of the night will be dedicated to you.

Congratulations, you're a natural

I saw the girl that I chased around secondary school for the majority of the time I was there for the first time in ages today, she's still got an amazing smile. She was smiling at me while I was walking down my road, it took me ages to notice seeing as she was in a learner car, I think I sort of distracted her, 'cause when I walked past she stalled. I'm sure I wasn't the distraction and that she was just unlucky, I just like saying things that make me feel better, okay? Okay.

Julia was on MSN when I was leaving, so I signed on Meebo IM on my phone and talked to her on my way to the tube station, she was waiting to board a plane so she could fly away to some island.

The train journey was average, nothing interesting happened, some guy sat next to me who stunk of cigarettes and alcohol. Its shocking how many people have red eyes and a certain stench coming off them, I'm guessing some are from wake 'n' bakes, others from making their morning coffees "irish", and others who just had a lack of sleep the night before.

On my way out of the tube station I saw signs to Sherlock Holmes Museum, which began to interest me, I thought I'd have a quick look around in an attempt to find it before I started my leafletting, but I couldn't find it, I found Madamme Tussauds however, sort of hard to miss. I sent Rosa a text suggesting that we should go there & London Dungeons sometime.

I got paired with a blonde haired woman who's there quite regularly, she's so bubbly, whoever she hands a leaflet to takes it from her hands with a smile on their face, mainly 'cause shes got the widest grin plastered on her face while handing them out, and she always says "good morning!" in the most enthusiastic way I've ever heard.

On the tube journey home there were two blondes sitting talking in either Finnish or Swedish, I'm pretty sure it was Swe. One of them was tanned, she obviously dyed her hair blonde 'cause you could see the brown underneath it. The other had blonde/white hair, like Robyn, she was the one that took my interest, I was gazing mercilessly at her throughout most of the journey, until she had to get off. She didn't look my way once.

Thats it really. My neck hurts, and I can't turn to my left side without it hurting, oh well, I've lived through worse. I'm gonna take a nap 'cause I had like 3 hours sleep. Bye.

Couldn't I change your mind?

This morning was nice, woke up at 5am, turned on the TV and started watching Scrapheap Challenge, then noticed Julia had returned the text I sent her yesterday, so I spent another 15 minutes in bed watching Scrapheap and exchanging texts with her. Finally got up and hopped in the shower, now I'm sat here writing this blog. I'm gonna pour myself a bowl of Coco Pops in a minute. I'll have to leave within the next 30 minutes though, boo.

I watched Cutting Moments yesterday, its a short film, and I was told it was highly disturbing, which was hard to believe at the beginning. It started off boring as hell, some shit about social services taking their kid, and the woman didn't get noticed by her husband when she dressed up, so she decides to cut off her lips and shit. I now understand why it they said it was disturbing, and it made me squirm. I'd watch it again though, but theres no need to, its nothing good. You don't even see most of the gore during, you just see the blood drip and the aftermath.




You'll never realise how much I regret my mistakes.

Priorities

I'm so fucking tired. I woke up at 10am in an attempt to get ready and look decent for my so called "date" with Becca, which got called off, but it's alright, I'll see her when she gets back from Sicily.

Not long ago I noticed that I suffer from a massive case of one-itis* whenever I meet someone that shows interest in me, and it fucking sucks. I think thats the biggest thing I need to deal with on this journey, being emotionally attached to someone within minutes of meeting them.

*ONE-ITIS--noun: 1. an obsession with a girl whom one is not dating; pickup artists believe that such an extreme fixation on one woman significantly lowers a man's chances of dating or sleeping with her. 2. a girl with whom one is obsessed. Origin: John C. Ryan.

I could easily make you mine, times all I need

Mike's blog from the other day inspired me to write one about The Game, reasons for getting into it and more, so here it is;

Theres thousands of reasons why I wanted to get into the game, the biggest one is probably to become socially able to talk to girls without wetting my pants a little bit, or even stuttering. I actually shit myself when approaching a girl, 90% of the time I blow it and walk straight past, the other 10% I ask for the time, like thats going to get me anywhere. The only thing I can do to a stranger is smile, most of the time I get a smile back, most of the time. I really don't understand how to hurdle the social barrier, what the fuck do I say? I can't just walk up to them and be like "hi," they'd probably think I'm really weird or something, and very well I'll introduce myself, but then what? After they know my name I'm not gonna keep them standing around asking them every question under the sun about themselves when they've probably got somewhere to go but are too polite to excuse themselves. I honestly don't think anybody knew that I had a massive problem approaching strangers. All the girls who I've told that I have this problem were like "whaaat? You're fine with me and I started off as a stranger," you didn't, you started off as a mate of a mate, and I just introduced myself from there, I had an anchor point when I introduced myself, I could easily say "oh I'm Josh, a friend of blahblah, I'm pretty sure you know them aswell?" and it'll go from there, plus thats behind a computer screen, I can do ANYTHING behind a computer screen and not feel stupid, in person its totally fucking different, I really doubt I could hold a conversation with them in person, even if I got introduced by our mutual friend.

So, I decided to do something about it, seeing as I'm now 18 and the ability to talk to strangers will help me out so much, I've gone through years in life thinking I'm not attractive, out of shape, no personality, so many things that have lowered my self esteem along with my confidence. And now its time for a fucking change. When I've mastered a few techniques and actually tried them out in the field I'm sure you'll notice a change within the next few months, a massive change. Once I've clocked this, I'm going to seriously sort my life out, get a little job so that I've got enough money to join a gym and go out every friday, look for an apprenticeship if I don't get into college, start learning a little hobby (which will probably be skateboarding).

Don't get me wrong, I can talk to girls, as long as I talk to them behind something rather than in person, like a phone conversation, Facebook, and other lame things. Once I'm comfortable talking to you I'll have no problem when I'm out with you, I'm comfortable enough going in for a kiss, as long as I'm comfortable with that person. And when it comes to getting someones number, I normally can, as long as I've got a few drinks in me and I'm not my concious self, the only problem with getting the number is actually using it. Every number that I've got I don't think I've ever given them a call or dropped them a text, I'm so shit.

So yeah, thats basically the reason that I got into the game. To build confidence, know what to say around the opposite sex to get them interested in me, and a tonne of other reasons I can't be bothered explaining right now.

Now, time to indulge in a bit of reading, cya.

Cigarette smoke will make you choke

I woke up at around 2pm today, from the loveliest dream I've had in so long. It started off with me playing Left4Dead on the Xbox 360 round my mates house, there was about 3 of us there, then about 4 girls turned up, and one of them was ginger, my jaw dropped as soon as I saw her. When she settled down next to me on the sofa I asked if she fancied a game, she nodded her head and grabbed my mates controller, she was surprisingly good. So far, two things that I find highly attractive in a girl; the ability to game, and ginger hair. While playing we was just making the normal introductory small talk "so, whats your name?" "what college d'ya go to?" "are you going uni?" and so on and so forth, after getting past that stage we got into deeper conversation, I really can't remember what it was about, but we connected and got on really well. She was about 5"6, slender, hair up in a bun, some freckles, the bluest eyes I've ever seen, she was perfect. The dream ended too quickly, nothing else really happened, I was just dragged away from it because I naturally woke up, which upset me a little bit. I also woke up singing One More Chance, weird. I also thought it was Tuesday, ha.

The weirdest thing about the dream is as soon as I jumped on my PC I had a conversation with Jessie on Facebook, and she randomly linked me to a picture of a ginger girl saying "hot ginger girl wooo", she looked EXACTLY like the girl in my dream, but she had more freckles, she was also holding what looked like a gaming controller, so that freaked me out a little bit, and I can't pluck up the courage to add her on Facebook. What the fuck would I say? "Oh hai you know Jessie, right? Yeah, I think you might of been in my dream," no.

My cash account is suspended, because I got my PIN wrong three times, I didn't, there was a method to remembering it, which I'll tell you once it gets sorted out. Having it suspended sucks, seeing as I was planning on buying the RAM@Matter tickets sometime this week, hopefully it gets sorted out before Friday, or before tickets sell out. I'll be fucking gutted if they sold out.

On Saturday I went to the Science Museum and Natural History Museum with Becky and Lilli, it was fun. Even though Lilli's really quiet she's still nice, and its nice to know I get on with Becky even better in person than I do behind a computer screen. The only thing that would of made it better is if we went into the butterfly exhibition at the Natural History Museum! And the man who was squeezing himself through a tennis racket was quite fun to watch, even though Becky and Lilli seemed disgusted about it, whats so disgusting about dislocating your shoulder, I'll never know.

Last night I completed inFamous on the PS3, fucking amazing game. I'm gonna work through it but chosing the bad karma options instead of the good ones, then try and complete Siren Blood Curse, even though the first 5 minutes of the game made me jump and I had to turn it off, mainly because it was 3am, I was high as fuck, and I was shitting bricks.

Ummm, thats it I guess. I'm gonna go read more of The Game after playing a bit of inFamous, adios.

There's skeletons in your closet, did you know they were staying?

I just took a test on Stylelife, and its ridiculous how accurate the synopsis of me is;

It's possible that you have tremendous knowledge, gained through the analysis of books, movies, games, and scientific research. You probably know far more than men who are more successful with women, but you can't seem to find opportunities to display your intellect and talent. One of your major obstacles is your inability to take action, which prevents you from accomplishing your social goals.
You can occasionally be found at the back of a social event clutching your drink and perhaps looking busy. You sometimes feel afraid to get out on the dance floor, or even to speak to strangers. You may watch your friends cavort on tables or drink body shots with women while you quietly nurse your drink. Often, you find yourself standing on the sidelines watching others have all the fun.
Maybe there are times when you can't even muster the courage to get out of the house just for the opportunity to meet that special someone. You are generally considered shy. Fear of rejection and validation keep you in your invisible Plexiglas box. You have a strong desire to be liked and accepted by others, but you have a tendency to not put your self on the line, thus closing your self off to the very thing you so desperately seek.
There you are, sitting on a park bench as life passes you by. Your mind races constantly measuring the temperature of the situation to see if it's OK yet to dive in and take a social swim. Meanwhile, as you are sitting there, at least a dozen beautiful opportunities pass you by. At least you get to admire their backsides. As Grace Hopper said, "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." Time to start living your life to the fullest.

Practically everything in that is true, which is so worrying. I need to sort myself out socially, blah. I'll get it done, I'm sure of it, I'm so determined to stop being such a social recluse when it comes to talking to strangers of the opposite sex.

Not a lot to blog about today, that was it really.

Woken up by the sunshine

I just saw myself on telly, haha. I love it when that advert comes on, it makes me smile for some reason.

Right, I stumbled home at whatever time last night, and I fell asleep at about 3am, I woke up at 7.30 'cause I left my curtains open and the sun had its hat on, for once. The worst thing was, I couldn't get back to sleep, and that pissed me off. I planned on getting up around 11ish, but nope. S'alright though, I'm not that tired, I could easily survive today.

Last night was a thousand times better than I thought it would be, which means it was alright, I thought it was gonna be horrible, but it really wasn't. Started off with me meeting Darron and Jay outside the pub, then I got ID'd straight away, haha. Darron bought me a Sailor Jerry and Coke, first drink of the night. Finished that rather quickly while Jay was talking to some pretty girl outside, thats around the time Tom met us, we made our way inside to get some more drinks, Tom ordered me and him their strongest shot, which was 67% or something, tasted like liquorice fire and burned my throat for ages. Carling was my drink of choice throught the majority of the night, with the occassional Sailor Jerry and Coke, we also had a shot of Jagermeister, tastes like medicine, feels good man.

I honestly think the only reason I enjoyed last night was because there were so many people there that I knew, had plenty of nice chats, I get alot more chatty when I've had a few drinks in me, and around people that I'm completely comfortable with. Honestly though, the nicest talk that I had last night was with Becca, even though it was incredibly short.

After the Moon we went to Adz' free yard, even though we was there for about 30 minutes, was talking to Darron and Jay about first love, I couldn't really include myself in the conversation 'cause I've never fallen in love, the only thing that really stuck with me from that conversation was "you'll never know what you had, until you lose it". The talk they were having yesterday made me scared of falling in love, and I feel sorry for the person who falls in love with me, if anyone ever does that is.

Gotta get dressed and go town with Darron now, so he can buy The Game and help me in the field. Toodles.

Hand over your money, and your love

I don't like change. Never have, never will, if you know me then you'll know this, once something is planned I don't want you to pick it up and make it into an origami swan. So, when my plans change, I'm not the happiest person in the world.

Didn't go London with Darron yesterday, we went to town instead, but I still got some jeans and another plaid shirt, so I'm not complaining. Also spent the remainer of my money, well, what was in my wallet anyway. Oh, and we're not going Fabric tonight either, mainly because people can't go (purely because they can't be bothered), or don't have money. So we're going to RAM@Matter on the 7th of August instead, which has a heavy lineup, and I'm looking forward to it. Thats if we get tickets. I'm gonna pressurise all my mates into getting them ASAP.

We're going to the Moon tonight, and I'm not excited about it in the slightest. I can't be fucked to go, its a shit place, the only reason everyone goes is because its cheap, and I don't feel like getting smashed anyway, even though other people are. Meh, I don't care, I'm only taking £15, so I have an excuse not to get off my face completely, even though I have £80 in the bank, and I'm sure a few people will buy me some pints, I'll just save my money if they do.

This morning I woke up at 5, well, my alarm went off at 5, then 5.15, then 5.30, I turned off every one, but naturally woke up at 5.45, which is a good thing, any later and I would of missed Gorillaring today. This explains the £15 in my pocket. The journey was pleasant, I read The Game all the way there, and on my way back aswell, the only thing that ruined it is when a tramp (well, he looked and smelled like a tramp and he sold The Big Issue, so I could only assume he was) sat next to me on the tube, he stunk of tobacco, cheap cider and piss, the smell made me gag as soon as he sat down, so I spent the remainder of the journey smelling my bookmark and looking the other way.

I got home at around 10, and fell asleep straight away, I'm still tired, and I only woke up about 45 minutes ago.

Science Museum tomorrow, that should be fun. That is if the plan sticks, which it should. I'm sure Becky wouldn't change the plans seeing as she loves that place, same goes for Lilli aswell.

I wanted to practice some of The Game today, but realised I'd probably suck, seeing as I've got zero confidence, and a shitty smile, it puts my chubby cheeks on display even more than they are, and I don't like that. Instead, I thought of a plan; Read the book once, then re-read it and take notes while another one of my mates read it so he knows what to do when we're out, then after I've finished re-reading it I'll put it into action, first of all I'll need to buy a bag (to keep what they call "props" in) though, I'd like a brown leather one, that'd be nice. Then after all thats done I'll read The Rules of The Game, which will only help me improve, right?

Something really annoyed me today, as soon as Sam walked up the stairs from the tube station, he started speaking to the guy next to me, I had my face buried in my book attempting to finish the chapter. I finished, removed it and Sam goes "oh, you're reading The Game? Going out on the pull are we Josh?" I chuckled and nodded my head making small talk, he turned to the guy next to me and goes "have you heard of The Game?" to which he replied "nope, whats it about?" Sam said "basically its how to pick up girls", the kid then went "oh I thought the game was to not think about the game", this is what pissed me off. Sam didn't clock on, he just made talk with him confusedly about the subject, the kid didn't bother to explain. The reason it pissed me off is because if you were a /b/tard (which he clearly was, ugly mess, spots all over his face, greasy hair, camoflauge jacket, yuck) why would you let others know? Its not exactly something to be proud of. Just keep your chapped lips shut.

Thats allllll I guess, I'm really fucking hungry, haven't eaten anything all day. Ciao.

Aww crap

Saturday I'm meant to be going Science Museum with Becky and Lilli, but I've just realised I won't be getting home until 7ish (if that) on Saturday morning, and I'm meant to meet them midday, so a healthy 4/5 hours sleep while having probably one of the heaviest nights of my life doesn't seem very appealing to me. Oh well, I'm sure I'll handle it, even if I'm hungover as fuck, I've met people on zero hours sleep and still managed to be highly entertaining.

Today I'm going up London again with Darron, 'cause he wants to get some stuff for Fabric tomorrow, and I still want to find some jeans, plus I spotted a nice belt in River Island that would go down well with my planned outfit.

Tomorrow I've got Gorillaring in the morning, then as soon as I get home from that I'm falling asleep, I'll need the majority of my energy for Fabric, especially seeing as I've got to go Science Museum like 6 hours after it finishes, ha, that'll be fun.

This weeks actually been really good. Started out with Bloc Party on Monday, thanks to Jess. Chilled with my mates on Tuesday, went shopping with Rosa and Julez on Wednesday, shopping with Darron today, Pub then Fabric tomorrow, Science Museum on Saturday.

Fuck yes. A semi-successful birthday week. My 21st will be much better though, get ready for me New York, I'll be seeing you in a few years.

Gee, thanks!

My Nan bought me tickets to Reading festival, which cost £180, and she gave me £50 ontop of that aswell, so £230 from her, Mum gave me £150 cash and she said she'll take me out when she feels well. Today I recieved my Dads card, the card was covered in tiny glittery stars and little signs saying "18", didn't appreciate that, its insanely childish, and inside the card it had a cheque for £50, wow, admittedly I should be greatful and everything... but its my 18th, and its the first time I've recieved money off him in way over a year. Thanks, I guess. Its funny how my Mums mate gave me £20, and my Nans mate gave me £25, then my Dad matches them two put together, near enough. Wow. I shouldn't complain though, its better than nothing...

Today I bought the red and black plaid shirt that I wanted, even though it cost £40, some white plimsols from Urban Outfitters, which were reduced to £8 when I was pondering about buying them or not, then the woman changed the sign to £5, so I had to get them. I bought Civil War, the graphic novel which I've been wanting for a while, it was £8 in HMV. A black double breasted cardigan from Full Circle in Selfridges, which was reduced to £27, and looked lush, so I thought I'd get it, even though I won't wear it in this weather, actually thats a lie, its hardly Summer weather is it? A retro Huckleberry Hound tshirt from River Island for £7. Two white shirts from Topman which cost £10, and Siren Blood Curse on the PS3 for £13.

I don't think my plan for saving £150 before I went to Reading will work... I've got £70 left, £30 in the bank, and a £50 cheque from Dad, which adds up to what I wanted to save, but it also means I won't be able to go out on Friday... So I guess I'll just have £100 in the bank, and I'll add to it over time I guess... Darron owes me £25 anyway, and I'm doing Gorillaring on Friday, so thats an extra £15.

Today was really nice, went London with Rosa and Julia, got my shittt, Rosa left after we went Selfridges, then Julia wanted to go to Primark, even though she didn't get anything. We bumped into her sister, who's nicer than I thought she would be, Julez makes her out to be a monster. Then we went homeee. Soon as I got back I dropped the stuff off at mine, rode to town to buy them white tshirts and Siren Blood Curse. When I got off my bike a group of girls and boys were sitting on the bench, one of 'em pointed to me and said "look, its your boyfriend", standard playground insult, so I just gave them a dirty stare, with a hint of confusion in it, she turned around and said "oh... guess you're not my boyfriend then. S'alright though, 'cause you're shit in the sack", instantly I thought of a comeback "must have me mistaken then, I'm clearly not your boyfriend 'cause I'm a God in the sack", but I didn't say it, I just chuckled and walked away.

That's all folks.

Say no to drugs

Todays plans got changed, Mothers still ill, but she feels a little bit better which is a good thing. Instead of Julia coming round I'm going London with her and her mates, which should be alright, Ellen and Rosa are coming along aswell, and I like them, so it shouldn't be bad at allllll.

I wanna keep my eye out for some new trainers (maybe plimsols), jeans and a plaid shirt, preferably a red and black one, I saw one in Topman yesterday but unfortunately it was short sleeved :( don't like short sleeved shirts, only when the arms are rolled up. I just wanna get some clothes to wear for Friday.

I have nothing to wear today, but Mum recently did the washing up, so I'll grab a tshirt from the ironing bag and iron out the creases.

I'm looking forward to Friday, it'll be my first night at The Moon Under The Water (a pub on my road, which everyone goes to), I'm not really looking forward to that because it does look like a shit pub, theres nothing there, no pool tables, no music, nothing. Just tables, chairs, drink, yet everyone seems to go there? I don't quite understand why. After a few drinks we're heading to Fabric, which is the bit that I'm excited for, its only £13 and its got some good DJ's playing, like Goldie, Shy FX, Friction, 16 Bit, and more. Finishes at 6am, so we're not leaving until then ;)

Dads coming round some time next week (so he says...) to help destroy the top bunk of my bed, so I finally have a single bed, woo. I know I need to buy a bed, but we don't have the money for that. I'll probably get one whenever I redecorate my room, not quite sure when that will be though, hopefully soon.

My birthday was far from a success, Mum fell ill so we didn't go London, Hutley didn't want to go out at first, Darron wasn't answering his phone, and Scales said he'll come out if everyone else is, if not he was gonna go bed soon. Then Hutley changed his mind, Darron answered his phone, and Scales came out. We didn't do anything special, we just did what we do most nights; get high. How exciting. Oh well, I got like £200+ and I'm still waiting on a cheque from my Dad, so I'll be able to go through with my money saving plan for Reading (putting £150 in the bank), and buy everything I need for Friday today, yay.

I also bought The Game yesterday, by Neil Strauss, I've only read about 20 pages or something lame, but its really good so far, hopefully I'll learn something from it, y'never know.

Gonna go get some breakfast and iron a tshirt, if I can find one. Take care.

Finally!

I'm going out, really didn't wanna be stuck in on my birthday, but nobody seemed to want to go out, but now they've changed their mind, yessss.

I don't like this

Last night I was in the best mood ever. Todays my birthday and now my moods sunk like the Titanic, fuck sake.

Oh and on top of things, Mums ill so I'm not going out with her today, and my Nans fallen ill again, so thats not good. Great birthday this is turning out to be. Fuck life.

This city was raised on borrowed time

Today, well, last night (technically) was the best night I've had in so long. I'm actually fully in love with Jessie, she's given me the second best birthday present anyone could ever give me, even though she got out-done by my Nan who bought me a ticket to Reading festival, but that was just as good. She won tickets to iTunes festival, and even though I wasn't her first choice (her Mum backed out for whatever reason), she decided to take me, 'cause she knows how much I love Bloc Party.

Yesterday (Monday) started off by me falling asleep at 6am and waking up at 2pm, ringing Jo and telling her that I'll be ready to go town in like 5 minutes, 3pm rolled around and I only just got out the shower, but she didn't seem too bothered. We went to the town, she got sweets for her Mum at Ma Battleys, and I needed to deposit some money in the bank, my plan is to put £150 in there before Reading, 'cause I know I won't spend it seeing as I never go to the bank, genius. Then I came home, had another shower, and ate a Rustlers chicken burger, which was alright, at best. Then left to meet Jessie outside Chalk Farm station, she got over-excited and left early then asked if she could meet me 15 minutes earlier than planned, she could of... but as I was walking onto the platform the train left, so I had to wait 10 minutes for another. Sophie rang me while I was waiting for the train and we had a nice conversation, until I hit a tunnel and lost signal.

By 6pm I was outside Chalk Farm station, where I met Jessie, who was smoking a cigarette, Silk Cut, yuck. The wait to get in wasn't that bad, and I had a lovely conversation about music and other things with Jess, she's so lovely, bless her. Once we got inside, I told Jess I'll buy her a drink to make up for it, so I made my way to the bar, where a blonde woman served me, I asked for two Strongbows (it was either that or Becks, thats all they sold), she asked for my age, I told her I'm 17, but only for a few more hours, she asked for ID, wished me a happy birthday and gave me my drinks. The opening band was The Invisibles, they weren't good, at all, the frontman looked like an elderly Rick James, and nobody was dancing in the crowd, I felt bad for them. Then Delphic (well, delphic.) came on, Jessie was so happy, aww, she was singing along at the top of her voice and telling me all the words before they were even said haha, helped me get into it so I'm not complaining, they were really good though, I didn't expect them to be that good.

Fearne Cotton and Dave Berry were doing recordings for the iTunes Festival on ITV1 and ITV2, and the crowd wasn't cooperating at all, haha, everytime they said a band that weren't liked by a lot of the crowd, everyone boo'd, including Oasis, Kasabian and some others, haha, how rebellious.

Then Bloc Party came on at around 9.30pm, everyone went nuts, I warned Jessie that I'll lose her, but its okay 'cause she made friends with the pretty blonde girl who was standing behind her, I asked her where her mate disappeared to and she said she went to get a drink, I just replied ha, doesn't look like she's gonna make it back! She giggled. Then Jessie started speaking to her about god knows what, thats when I lost her. I was looking around for her for the most of the set though, until I got a text saying "Dude you suck", which made me giggle, then found out she's leaving in like 15 minutes and she was at the back so I gave up looking. I bumped into quite a few people that were really friendly and held conversations with me, mainly started off by me shouting the lyrics at the top of my lungs in their face, which was quite eventful. I got a chewing gum off some guy, held a conversation about Reading with another, met some kid called Ewan or whatever, he was quite small, I told him that, and numerous other things occured. The drummer was in his boxers most of the time which made me giggle quite a bit, and Kele called the crowd cool 'cause we know the One More Chance song, fuck yeah. They played Ares aswell, Kele started it off by saying "Judging by the crowd surfing, you've still got a bit of fight left in you, are you feeling tough? This next songs about fighting, do whatever you want with it", then a moshpit opened behind me so I felt obliged to join in, I was standing in the middle saying "CMON THEN" and standing my ground, I barely got budged, I'm so 'ard, but then I started feeling a bit sick due to dehydration, so I made my way to the bar and downed a few cups of water before returning. Oh I got so close to the front. Overall it was one of the best nights I've had, ever. I felt sorry for Jess having to leave so early though, seeing as she really wanted to listen to One More Chance and Ares, shame she had to leave early. I honestly can't thank her enough though.

The journey home was nice aswell, even though I was drenched in sweat, worn out, and my voice hurt a little bit, it was all non-existant 'cause Julez kept me company on the phone until I got home, bless her.

I turned 18 an hour and fourty minutes ago, and I'm not even excited really, I think people are happier for me than I am for myself, which is quite worrying. The way I see it is I'm just getting older... admittedly I can now get into pubs, clubs, raves, etc. but they won't be as good as expected, so I'm not really look forward to them.

Today (Tuesday) I'm going to Central London with my Mum, she says she's gonna take me to Covent Garden for whatever reason, I'm not complaining though, I don't mind spending time with Mumsie. Not quite sure what the plans are for Tuesday night though, then again I don't feel like celebrating, all I know is we're going to Fabric on Friday.

Tomorrow (Wednesday) I'm seeing Julia, hopefully she'll bring me The Game by Neil Strauss, and maybe I'll see Rosa aswell, if I'm lucky. We're planning on watching Visitor Q 'cause Julez wants to see it, even though its really fucked up.

I would catch you up on stuff that happened last week, but its all insignificant due to Bloc Party, I was actually shaking on my way there, and my heart was racing aswell, its silly how much I love them. 507 plays on my last.fm profile of Bloc Party, and counting. I've actually listened to Bloc Party while writing this blog, from start 'till finish.

Oh and apparently the Orange Rockcorps "Blink" advert is now on television, so keep an eye out for me, you'll see me at about 12 seconds. Actually, you don't need to keep an eye out for it, I'll just embed it in this post. I actually look so repulsive though, and you can see my moobs, how attractive, haha. I don't care though, I got paid for it and I was actually used, so thats something to put on my CV! Enjoy, and have a nice day.

Its been a while

Nothing happens anymore, so I've got no reason to blog. I'll catch you up on the last couple of days;

I've got extremely mixed emotions at the moment, seeing as Julia said that nothings gonna happen between us I'm quite unhappy, but I'm seeing Bloc Party tomorrow (thanks to Jessie!) and I'm 18 on Tuesday, so I've got things to look forward to. I'm so fucking excited for tomorrow, omgomg. I'm not doing anything for my 18th, well, anything big. And I've sort of left it late to get people out and stuff, but oh well, I don't really care, its just another year.

I haven't touched this blog for over an hour, I left it at the end of that paragraph, then got a phone call. I now feel like shit. I've fucked up, yet again. I hate upsetting people.

Ouch

"'cause I'm sick of death of talking about this and thinking about you"

Sorry, didn't know thinking of me would make you so sick.

These alley cats be at war with these dirty rats

People have been complaining about my lack of blogging, truth is nothings been happening. Until recently, time to catch you up on current events.

Darron got kicked out of his a few days ago, so I've been hanging out with him quite a bit. His Mum flipped because he didn't do the washing up and apparently it was a tip, but it wasn't 'cause I was there the day before, all it was was piles of washing up in the kitchen and a duvet on the living room floor. Overreact much?

Saw Julia on Saturday, nice day. Saw Brüno that night at 11.45, such a funny film, I honestly was in histerics all the way through, which made Adam crease 'cause of my laugh.

Julia broke up with me last night, didn't last long, and apparently according to her it was the most wasted month or two of her life, nice Josh, nice. I didn't really react to the whole thing, it didn't bother me, because it didn't hit, it did a few hours after, then it bothered me, quite a bit really. Mmm, well if she can get over me I can get over her I guess. I want to go into it, but I can't be bothered 'cause its stupid. The reason for us ending was 'cause I'm gonna be 18 and she'd feel like she would be holding me back from doing stuff, and she's going away for 3 weeks, so I'm not gonna see her a lot, and we've got different friend circles so we don't see eachother much anyway. But whatever, its her decision, I should of fought but I didn't, too late now.

Today I've got to go Chace Community School to drop off my prospectuses and get Miss Linney to fill in reference forms. Then venture into town, buy my Nans perfume 'cause I'm such a good Grandson, and ask Carphone Warhouse about my Mums phone, seeing as she didn't get a USB lead or a installation CD, and she wants me to put some ringtones on it. Fun day ahead for me...

On the plus side, one week until I'm 18. I've got 3 weeks of events lined up, current amount of cash: £5.19. Score. I'm confused as to why I'm already recieving birthday cards. Pretty sure they just thought "Oh his birthday is some time around mid-July, lets send them now, he won't open them until his birthday anyway". Won't I? ;) I'll leave you with something me and Jessie wrote a while ago, she left it on my Facebook wall a few days ago, it put a smile on my face, still does.

Oh, and thanks to Becky and Zoe who cheered me up a little bit, even if they didn't do much, yet.

i woke up to the sound of my phone
i was secluded, all alone
i glanced over, to see your name
i read the text and was filled with pain

i closed my eyes and all i felt was regret
you're not gonna be easy to forget
as i chucked my phone onto the floor,
i was swarmed with feelings which i'd felt before
i did something so stupid, something so dumb
tried fighting a battle that i should of won

so i sit here drunk, and on my guitar i play
asking myself why you live so far away
and now i lay here sober, feeling profuse rage
telling myself to find someone that's my age

money, time, and effort was what tore us apart
you were never as serious as i was from the start
you don't understand how much i really do need you
it would help if you felt the same way too

but you dont, never will, and theres no way i can change that
so i'll busk on the tube until theres cash in my hat

Oh

Now I'm sad. It kicked in. Night.

The return

Got back from the doctors a few hours ago, he didn't say much on the subject, I was waiting for 25 minutes, but I was in and out of his office within about 30 seconds. When I was there I had a massive urge to play Theme Hospital, oh man I loved that game so much. But yeah, he didn't say anything about my throat, just said that its incredibly swollen (reason why its painful when I swallow), and he prescribed me Penicillin, which I should take an hour before breakfast, hour before lunch andddd an hour before dinner. Oh and also before I go to bed. Repeat for five days, and if its still there return for blood tests and stuff, but I feel better after taking one, I can swallow without scrunching up my face in disgust :DD

Looks like I don't actually have swine flu!

I might turn into an actual pig!

Found out that one of the symptoms for swine flu is a horribly sore throat, which I've had since Saturday, doesn't seem to be getting any better either. Think I might go to the doctors for that tomorrow. If I do have it, I hope I'll turn pink and grow a swirly tail. Seriously though, this sore throat is so fucking annoying, I've barely eaten anything in the past 3 days, at the moment I'm trying to get through beans on toast, but it hurts so much to swallow, and the food sticks in my throat for a few minutes so I've gotta take a drink after every bite. I didn't find that out until yesterday when I was trying to make my way through spagghetti and meatballs, regurgitated it, yummy!

I was told I go on about Julia too much in my blog, so I'm probably gonna cut down on that...

I guess that's all I've got to update you with, oh, and I've started building a portfolio to get into college, so far I've done like 25% of Jack Penate, which isn't that much at all, but seeing as I'm a total n00b at Illustrator, it's good for me. Even if it did take 2 hours. Ciao.

Mistakes were made

Ignore that last blog post, everythings back to normal, I doubt anyone read it anyway, just like nobody would read this one, but I don't care, I like writing.

I really need to learn how to use Illustrator, I've jotted down so many ideas for little pieces of work that I wanna do, but idk how to use Illustrator... I'm sure I'll master it sooner or later.

Watched Walk The Line again today, with my Nan, who was singing along underneath her breath and giving me a running commentary, she makes me laugh. When the curtain rose and he stood there infront of a crowd who applauded him and waited for him to start reminded me of drama, when I used to do school plays. Waiting for your cue to walk onto that stage and give the audience what they want, wether it was to make them laugh, or go "aww", I always used to appear calm and collected before I went out there, when inside I was shitting it, walking onto a stage heated up by lights and a hall full of people wasn't exactly the easiest thing to do, remembering the lines were a thousand times easier! But the appreciation you get when you finish, all the applause and cheering, the satisfaction of allllll them months of rehearsals finally over, that made it so worth it.

Ohh, I also saw Year One last night, and yesterday afternoon, it's not good enough to see twice, but I didn't watch it first time around, stupid girl was distracting me, as always. It's a good film, but not as funny as I thought it would be, recommended by yours truly though!

Didn't expect that

That hit me like a tonne of bricks, where the fuck did it come from? I was meant to write a blog about stuff thats happened over the past few days 'cause I haven't updated it in a while, but that's just taken my mind of it and put me in a weird mood.

Oh, the above isn't about Michael Jackson, I re-read it and thought people would think I'm talking about MJ, I'm not. I'm gonna use "Girl" instead of her name to protect identities, even though you probably know who I'm talking about anyway if you've been following my blog.

Wait, I'm actually gonna write what I'd say to her;

I've always had my doubts about this little thing going on between us, but you were just so unbelievably nice and lovely that I wouldn't let them bring me down, seeing as the pro's outweighed the con's sooo much. Yeah there was a age gap, but that didn't bother me at all, it bothered my mates more than anyone else, even my Mum didn't care. What I don't understand is how you care about me being 18, when I didn't care about your age? I told you that I'll be going to places you wouldn't get into a week ago, you didn't seem to care, all you wanted was me, clearly things have changed. Not quite sure how things have changed, as I haven't acted any differently to as to how I used to when I first met you, you said I've become meaner than I was before, I haven't. I'm nicer in person than I am behind a keyboard, surely that would of made up for it anyway? Obviously not. I still don't understand how it's over this quick. You didn't even pick up your phone, you probably wasn't near it, but of course I didn't initially think that, seeing as what just happened, but it's alright, I'll get over it. Out of every girl that I've ever met, you've been the only person I was reallllly comfortable around, the only one that I've had the guts to call gorgeous in person, well, there was one other person I've had the guts to call gorgeous, but I wasn't as comfortable around her as I was with you, nowhere near as much. I guess I like you as much as I thought I did, otherwise it wouldn't hurt this much, I'm not sure why it hurts though, we weren't exactly "together" were we? Nope, I'm glad we're not, we wouldn't of lasted that long haha, but if this didn't happen I really reckon we could of, it's not like I'd be the stupid one and cheat on you or anything, I don't have the guts, and I'm too much of a nice guy, I reckon I am anyway, well compared to other guys I'm a fucking God send. I'll leave it here, I can't be fucked talking about anything now.

All that aside: Yesterday was quite nice, just chilling at Scale's with half an O and like 12 other guys, even if it was a massive sausagefest it was still nice.

Anddd, that thing on Wednesday, the Orange thing went well, I'm not actually like one of the main guys, I'm just an extra, like, everyone keeps morphing into eachother, there's quite a few people in it, but I don't care, I got paid £80 for it, £50 of which has already disappeared some how... Right, lets add this up. £20 got lent to darron, leaves me with £60, took £20 to Toms (£40), put £10 in for draw, £10 for food, came home, took out another £20 (£20) 'cause I thought I lost it, I came home with a tenner, so I must of put an extra £10 in for draw or something... Fuck knows. All I know is I'll have £60 by the end of this week, when I should have £100, not quite sure how I've lost £40, I know I haven't had any notes go missing or anything...

Oh, Michael Jackson died if you haven't heard already, personally I'm sick of having texts about him, people spamming their Facebook status' about it (I've honestly seen nothing but R.I.P MJ and stuff along them lives on my news feed since about 11 last night...), the news also needs to jam on this subject, the news at noon on channel 4 had nothing about MJ on it. It's not even been 24 hours since I've heard, and I'm already bored of it. Get over it... Yeah he was a great entertainer and everything, but he was still a weirdo, he hung kids off balconies, and touched children. The pro's and con's of Michael Jackson make my opinion of him neutral, I don't like him nor do I dislike him, he's just some guy that makes music and is extremely popular and talented, he also touched kids and got away with it.

Man I'm hungry.

Yeah, I'm fucked

I honestly can't believe that I've misplaced my National Insurance Number. Well, I haven't, Mumsie has, she keeps saying that I must of taken it off her, but I know for a fact that I've only seen it once in my life, and that was when it arrived in the post. The day it dropped through my letter box, I opened it, and said "oh, looks like I've got my National Insurance Number", Mum goes "yeah, I think I'll look after that, seeing as I know what you're like and you'll probably lose it", so I know she has it. Thinking about it, I haven't seen it since that day... I've asked for it a few times in the past, but it wasn't really necessary, it was for college and shit, but I need it for tomorrow, otherwise I don't get paid...

Yesterday I made a post saying that I've gotta go into college. I delayed it for as long as I could, rang Kim (tutor) and Freda (attendance) who didn't answer their phones, so I actually had to go there, which was so much effort. I got there, and I didn't even need to go, Kim said I had 2 pieces of coursework left, and I only needed to do 1 to get my diploma, which I already did, and it was handed in, just not updated on the database. So yeah, I've passed my course.

Julias coming round today, I've been up since 7, not because I wanted to be, Mum woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep. Looking forward to seeing herrr, I'm also looking forward to this job tomorrow, even if I don't get paid for it. I really need to find that card, fuck.

I really need that money, I wanna start skating so bad.

Fuck this shit

I've gotta go to college today, to finish off some work so that I can pass, I thought I already had? Seeing as I've done more work than my mate has and he passed, fuck sake. This is what happens when you celebrate early, right? My Mum woke me up with the amazing news of me having to return to college, she said I can go either today or tomorrow, I said I can't go tomorrow, I'm seeing Julia, she then asked what's more important, I subconciously said Julia, without even thinking about it. In too deep.

Mos Def's new album The Ecstatic is outstanding.

Forgetful little me...

So, yeah, West End Live is today, it was on yesterday aswell, and I forgot all about it. I'm so disappointed in myself, I really wanted to go see it 'cause I haven't been to the theater in AGES, and I miss it so much. Julia said she'll go see Avenue Q with me, she probably won't. Darron said he'll go see it with me ages ago and he still hasn't...

Watched The Hangover on Friday night, was such a funny film, sooo funny, I walked out the cinema with my cheeks aching for laughing too much. I went with Hutley, we bunned a fat spliff after that then called it a night, seeing as we went to the one at 11.15, I ended up getting home at like 3.

I also watched Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li on Friday before I went cinema, it was a good film, but I was disappointed that it was made by Capcom, yet it wasn't anything like Street Fighter, there was guns, Bison was blonde, Vega had a silver mask, Gen was young, there's so many faults. But then again it was pre-tournament and just told you about Chun-Li's life.

Last night I went to Darrons, seeing as he had a free yard and I had nothing to do, I played the Wii most of the night with his little brother Paul, it was an alright night, nothing special, at all...

Next week should be fun, I guess. Seeing Julia on Tuesday, got that Orange advert thing on Wednesday, and nothing else planned. Idk why I said next week will be fun when I've got 2 things going on... But it's always nice to see Julia, I guses.

Todays the longest day, it's also Fathers day, and I'm yet to ring him. I wanna go out so bad, but theres nothing to do, apart from West End Live, which I missed... sadface.

Gonna go ring my Dad, cyaaaa.

Here's looking at you, kid.

GUESS WHAT?! I'm gonna be on the telly, yup. Orange picked me for their new advert, I think I told you guys before, but I wasn't 100% sure as they kept dodging my e-mails asking what's going on with it. I recieved a phone call like 15 minutes ago, and a text at 12 saying that I've got it, I've gotta be somewhere at 11.30 on Wednesday, I'm so happy.

The thing is, I know I'm gonna spunk the £80 from this job on something straight away, I wanna go NASS fest, but it's near Bristol and I don't have any money to get there and wasted. Darron wants me to buy a skateboard, which I want too, I just don't wanna get a shit board, and I can't save for shit. The probability of me buying a new graphics card is bigger than the probability of me buying a ticket to NASS festival or a new board.

Rumour has it that I've passed my college course aswell, well, Kingsley has, and he missed out a whole unit of work, when I forgot a few assignments, so I should of passed too, hopefully I have. Mum said ages ago she'll give me £500 if I get a distinction, which I haven't got, 'cause I didn't try for it, I wanted to go for a merit, but not from the beginning, and my teacher said he wouldn't let me, so I stayed at a pass. I might try and persuade my Mum into buying me an iPod or a board for a reward, hehhh.

Saw my Dad yesterday, for like 3 minutes, but it was still nice. That's allllll, hope you're well and stuff.

Huh

My life's boring as fuck, reason why I haven't blogged recently, sorry.

Take Me To The Hospital

I've been listening to a lot of The Prodigy recently, probably because Reading's in like less than 80 days. Yeaaaah!

I woke up to a phone call from Elliot saying that Kim (our tutor) won't let us send in any more coursework, I've done all of it but one assignment, 'cause I fell asleep before attempting the last piece, fuck sake. So I might fail, just 'cause I missed out one piece of coursework, if I do, I'm gonna hate myself so much, that's just another year wasted.

Jessie also informed me that most of my blogs are about games, which they are, aha. Talking about games, as soon as I got off the phone I loaded up Uncharted and started making my way towards the finale, finished it about 20 minutes ago, it's such an amazingly good game, everything feels like a movie, and theres not one thing wrong with it.

I also got my hands on Prototype yesterday, wow. It blew my mind, the game is fucking epic. Gonna go play more of it in a bit.

Time for a bit of Team Fortress 2, cyuh.

I'm so baked

I'm so fucking high right now. On the way home, I got chased by a fox. I'm not scared of foxes or anything but I've never ran so fast in my life. As I left Darron a fox started following me, so I walked a little bit faster, then I hit the end of the road and saw it was behind me, so I jogged away, it kept up with me all the way, then I sprinted into the road and down a few roads, I outran it, I think. Well, I lost it at least.

I'm gonna watch a film in bed, I'm downloading Prototype, I wanna stay up and play it but I've got college in the morning :( sad times, night people.

Such a miserable day

Such a good mood. I noticed I was a lot more talkative yesterday at my Nans, I don't really speak unless spoken to when I'm at my Nans, but I found myself sparking conversation quite frequently, it was probably 'cause I was in a really good mood, and there's someone to blame for that.

I'm gonna put a pin in that, and leave it there for a little bit. I know you're gagging for me to tell you about who put me in a good mood, but you'll have to wait, there's more important stuff to talk about.

I watched Bolt on Saturday, it's such a good film! It's sosososo cute, I aww'd several times at it, it's quite sad aswell, awwww, bless him. I also watched Friday the 13th 2009 yesterday, which was suprisingly good, had two sex scenes, and everyone knows that sex leads to death in a horror film, but there was no unexpected deaths, you could see them all coming, and they did stupid stuff. Like, if you had a gun, you wouldn't run away from your mates would you? No, you'd stay with them, idiot.

I got up at 7.30 today, then realised there's no point getting up, 'cause I'd just end up watching television, and seeing as only Channel 4 shows good stuff, well, they did, Big Brother's taking over now, there was no point getting up until 8.30, shower, then watch Will & Grace while eating breakfast. I showered, Will & Grace is on in the background, but Gallows - Grey Britain is overpowering it, currently listening to Misery, I've never been a fan of this kind of music, but I've always made an exception Gallows, and this album is pretty fucking impressive.

Ohhh, stop complaining and clawing at my ankles, I'll tell you why I was in a good mood, and still am. I went to the cinema on Saturday and I watched Coraline, I didn't want to, but it was in 3D, so I thought I'd give it a shot, seeing as we missed Drag Me To Hell, yeah, I said we, by we I mean Julia & I, I think I've told you about her before? I'm pretty sure I have, if only once. But yeah, I wanted to see Drag Me To Hell, but she was like 30 minutes late, sucker. We also missed Star Trek, so I was pretty much heartbroken about not being able to see that either, but it's okay 'cause Coraline was actually alright. Anyway, you're probably not interested about my choice of film, so I'll tell you something that you will be interested in; her. I've got one huge problem, she's 15, which makes her almost 3 years younger than me, everyone finds it weird and creepy, but me... and her? I think. I was talking to Ste last night about how my nan was 17 when she met my Granddad, and he was like 22 or something. Admittedly that was in like the late 40's but times haven't really changed, we've just advanced. There's 13 year olds going out with people who're 20, so I'm sure a 3 year gap isn't that bad... It's not, is it? No, I don't think it is. Yeah, anyway, she's sososo nice, and such a pretty fucker, my Mum asked who she was before I saw her, and I just told her that she's a really nice girl, that's all I've said about her really, 'cause I don't exactly know much about her, apart from the fact she's a slight geek, has a killer smile, and really cute, like extremely cute, not as cute as Juno though, don't get it twisted. Oh and there's another problem, I think I might like her more than she likes me, which is weird, I know I fall fast & hard, but not normally this quick, over someone I hardly know, uhhh. I don't know.

I'm gonna get some breakfast in me before I venture some college, adios fuckers.

Oh fuck off.

Big Brother's back, and that's not a good thing. For the millions of people out there who actually enjoy watching the program it's a good thing, but for me it definately isn't. It's fucking stupid, I hate reality TV shows so much, I don't mind them, but nothing aggrovates me more than Big Brother, seriously. First of all, I watch TV, a lot, and the majority of the time when my televisions on, it's on Channel 4, or E4, it won't be anymore though. You know why? 'cause Big Brother's back, yup, this is the primary reason I hate Big Brother, it takes up precious air time and program slots. No more lunch time Scrubs, or Gilmore Girls (yeah, I watch Gilmore Girls and actually enjoy it, bite me), it's most likely to be replaced by live streams of BB, fucking great! A shitty program that has audio missing 90% of the time. Oh, and then theres Friday night television, whenever I'm in on a Friday night, I normally leave Channel 4 on in the background, 'cause it has hilarious shows on, but nope, BB's in town, move aside funny shows, let's all gather on the sofa and watch an awful program that ridicules peoples lives and cuts out most parts to make a certain individual look bad, fuck off. Then that's all you read about in the papers, Big Brother, about some person excessively using swear words, generally being a cunt, getting body bits out on camera, who gets on who, and those who tried to escape, but fail, 'cause they don't have the guts and did it for attention, well, whoever goes on BB does it for attention anyway, that, and to have their 15 minutes of fame, I honestly haven't heard of one person recently who's still known and documented due to BB, apart from Chanelle, or whatever that blonde sluts name was, she has a program on TMF or some shit and it's absolutely wank.

They're just a few reasons that I hate this horrible excuse for a television program. Fuck whoever watches it, yeah, fuck you, Mum.

Oh hot damn, this is my jam.

E3 has actually given me a boner, metaphorically speaking, obviously.

I've never been this excited about video games, but all this new technology is actually getting me really hot under the collar. Here's my hot list of what I've seen from E3 so far, keep in mind it's only like the second day...

• Project Natal (including Lionheads Project Milo)
• Left 4 Dead 2
• Metal Gear Solid: Rising (finally, MGS comes to X360, no Snake though)
• Modern Warfare 2 (yeah, I gave in)
• Splinter Cell: Conviction (it's gone from an espionage game, to a motherfucking bloodbath)
• Assassins Creed II
• Crackdown 2
• APB (been keeping a look out for this since Crackdown came out)
• Alan Wake
• Brutal Legend
• Batman: Arkham Asylum
• Dead Rising 2
• Warriors: Legend of Troy
• Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
• God of War III
  

Mmmm, fuck yeah.

In other news; I got my new PC yesterday, spent 7 hours trying to get everything to work. Mostly everything works now, so I guess I'll have to stick with Windows 7, seeing as it won't let me install Windows XP, fucker.

I'm off to pick up Little Big Planet from my Nan, adios.

It's finally June!

D'ya know what this means kids? It means I get my new fucking computer. Hot damn. I'm not as excited as I was when I actually wanted to take it home, it's worn off on me now, but I can't wait to sell this and get a bit of cash in my pocket.

Did I tell you that I swapped my Xbox 360 with Jack for his PS3? No? Oh, well now you know. I caught him in town finding out how much it would be if he sold his PS3 to a store, and found out he's getting ripped off, so I made a proposition. I've wanted to buy a PS3 for ages, I just didn't have the money, reason why I went job hunting the other day, handed in 21 CV's, bet I don't get 1 call back haha.

Last night Mum ordered Little Big Planet and Uncharted for me, LBP was only £10! Deal of the fucking century.

That's all I've gotta say I guessss. Bye for now.

I'm shitting it

Not even gonna lie. I've got 12 assignments to get done by Monday, and I barely understand any of them, I'm gonna rush the majority of them and try and scrape a pass, as long as I get a pass I'll be content, but if I fail thats just another year of my life wasted really...

I've been up since 10.30, but I haven't got a lot of work done, I've mainly caught up on E3 and wasted my leisure hours on UFC Undisputed, so I'm going to keep my head down and get working, after this blog obviously. 

I want to go to town at about 3ish, maybe 4. I wanna go job hunting! I'm desperately in need of a job, E3 has made me realise how amazing PS3 will be this year. For instance, you can only play as The Joker in Batman: Dark Asylum on the PS3, so I'm going to have to buy one, mainly for the exclusive's and single player games though, I really like the look of Uncharted 2 aswell!

Oh and I want to go to the library and get some prospectus', I need to decide what I want to do for next year's college course, if I decide to do another year of college...

I'm so excited about E3, it's like an extra long Christmas for me tbh. I love being a geek, I wouldn't be as happy as I am if I wasn't.

I'm gonna whack on some DNB and Dubstep, so I can't sing along to the songs and get distracted from coursework, wish me luck!

"How did I fail Woman studies?! I love bitches!"

How High is such an epic film. I watched Lesbian Vampire Killers today, and I couldn't believe I delayed watching it for so long, I almost wet myself, it was fucking hilarious. 

Mmmm, might aswell catch you up on what happened today. I finally decided to meet Ellen, after months of knowing her, but I feel bad, 'cause she wasn't the primary reason for me meeting her, Julia was, even though I've wanted to meet Ellen for ages!

Long story short; I told Ellen ages ago that she's got a amazingly pretty friend, she told me who she was, but I didn't do anything about it. The other day I sent her a message on facebook, just to quickly get into her good books, and it worked. We got talking, and I found out she's really nice aswell, she grew on me quickly.

So yeah, now you're caught up, lets get started with Todays happenings. I met Ellen and Julia at Winchmore Hill train station, then went to Ellen's house. It's fucking massive, she's also got lovely parents, her Mum made me a ham sandwich, n'aww! 

That's practically all that happened today, I was gonna ramble on about how amazing Julia is, but I know she'll be reading this and it'll just make things really awkward :)

How High's just finished, and I've gotta be up for 7.30, in college for 2 hours for review, fucking pointless. Night.

It's a beautiful dayyy

Mumsie took me shopping yesterday, 'cause I was in London on Friday and found the trainers I've been looking for for aaages, and Mum said she'll buy me them if I found them, and I did, so she did. Yesterday was nice, there was something go on near Oxford St for Night at the  Museum 2, but it finished at 5, so we only saw them packing up :( it had potential though, they had like dinosaur skeletons and shit on display, obviously not real, but still pretty cool.

On Friday I got paid for the first time ever, £15 for handing leaflets out for two hours, and I was in a gorilla suit, so the leaflets went quicker, took us an hour and twenty minutes to distribute 1500 flyers, pretty impressive I think. Then after that I had to go to a casting thing for an Orange advert, Tom wanted to come with me, so I let him. Told him to be at Picadilly Circus by 11, he got there at 11.45, but he still made it. I personally think I did alright, all we had to do was stand infront of a camera with our piece of paper which had our name and number on it, say our name and number, smile, turn to another camera, do it again. I pronounced everything right and did it all in fluid motion, yeyeye.

Oh Mum also bought me World War Hulk, because I lost my headphones for my G1, so I've got nothing to entertain myself with on the journey to college, so she bought me this to keep me c0mpany. The problem is, I've already read 2 of the comics on the way home, but it's okay, 'cause it's actually an amazing graphic novel.

I'm offffski, adios.

Give me confidence, please?

I'm a pretty confident person, you'll know this if you know me, or have spoken to me before. But if you're a complete stranger and approach me, I'll turn to jelly. Unless it's part of your job obviously, but I fail at talking to strangers of the female sex, so much. I've only manage to talk to a complete stranger twice, which was in the same night, and I was smashed, dutch courage ftw. But yeah, today I did my gorilla leaflet thing, then had to waste a few hours before I had to do the casting thing for Orange, so I walked around London a little bit. Outside Hamleys there's these people on podiums that just interact with the general public and play around with toys and stuff, and this morning there was a girl in a pink dress, she looked like something from a Disney film, and as I was going toward it she pointed at me and said "You have cool hair!" so, like a bellend, I replied "You've got a lovely face", she just said "d'aww, thanks." it was left at that, until I came back out. Oh, I forgot to mention something, before all of this a woman handed me a origami flower wrapped in foil for charity, to which I coughed up 50p towards, haha, cheapskate. Yeah, continued: I left the building after about 2 minutes of walking around on the ground floor looking at toys and magic. I approached her and said "Oi, stranger." then gave her that flower thing, she replied "Ha, you're so sweet!". That was it, I didn't say anything else, but I planned to go back and ask her for her number after the casting thing. I went back, she was there, but there was a crowd and I didn't wanna interrupt. I'm shit at talking to gorgeous strangers anyway. I need confidence when talking to strangers.

I'll never forget the girl that I know as Hamleys Girl.

Frustrated!

We didn't get our computers yesterday, 'cause Steve (head of IT) wasn't in, so we couldn't sign our documents saying everythings sorted and stuff. That put a bummer on my day yesterday, but at least everything is in working order, the only thing I don't think I'll be able to handle is an RC version of Win7, I can't cope with Vista, I hate it so much. And this RC version of Win7 will expire June 2010, but I'm not bothered about that, I'll purchase Win7 by then.

Today we went into college to bring our PC's home, seeing as Steve's in today, but he was teaching and said we'll need to get Trevor (one of my teachers) to get the documents for him, we found him, and he told us that he hasn't done the documentation yet... Great.

So, we waited for his lesson to finish before bothering him again, spent about 45 minutes at college, when we don't have any lessons today, when he finished he said that Folusho came in earlier asking for his PC, Trevor said he'll do the documents, then Folusho went and told Steve that Trevor said he could take it home, when he couldn't, so he lied to Steve. Steve checked with Trevor, and found out that he couldn't, and because of that, we couldn't take it home today either. 

Yesterday Trevor said we'll be taking it home this week, by Friday. Well, college is closed on Thursday, and we're not in on Thursday anyway, Trevor cancelled Group Tutorial on Friday aswell, so that means Bidgood will cancel his lesson on Friday as it's pointless for us to come in. Which leaves us with Wednesday being the only day we can take it home, which is tomorrow. So HOPEFULLY everything will be done by tomorrow.

I'm getting a new desk today, it was meant to be accompanied by my new computer but whatever. I've gotta clean up the back of my PC and underneath my desk, which is lolz, I haven't cleaned underneath my desk since I first moved here, which has been about 5 years? I don't know how long I've lived here tbh, ha. And the amount of wires at the back of my computer is fucking insane, I'll prove it:

Yeaaaah, that's gonna be a joy to tidy. Oh well, I'm glad I'm getting rid of this desk, I've had it for about 7 years, or something ridiculous. Might aswell get started! Byeee.